IF you really want to know what’s on my mind


 So now it’s the time to really kick off with all Open House preparations. I’m so stressed!!! Today leaflets have been finally prepared and I started to print them out, they look OK! By the way in two days I have an interview on Uni so I’ve prepared some of my photos to show off ;)




So! Can I say it now?    YES!    I’M a PHOTOGRAPHER!   :D   plus I can roller skate pretty well.



Success!!! My landlord changed their mind and I’m allowed to do an Open House this year!!! Thank you so much, you’ve made my day and brought my happiness back :)



So!  This is how I felt yesterday:

“If your landlord says no to your Open House how can you possibly resist from feeling hate, anger, disappointment, even if it’s their right, how can you resist from feeling so bad if the person who doesn’t even know you at all, who doesn’t care about anything but your money, destroyed your dreams and ruined everything just like that. I’ve put my heart into this, a lot of work and money too. For giving away my whole monthly salary to them I’ve received nothing but disrespect.”



I’m painting my furniture :)



Let’s face it, it might be hard to be a mum and an artist… can I really divide myself between my own and my children needs? For sure living parallel lives is a struggle and it can never be a full life, just a half, one or another. So I’m working hard to be able to be an artist who’s a mum and make it. I’ll involve my daughters in what I do as much as they can take. As they’re the only people on earth who accept me the way I am in 100% and love me as I am always, there’s no one else who can join me closer in my life and in doing my art… And as the art’s the best when you feel low, instead of seeing me crying I want them to see me strong and confident expressing my thoughts on canvas or in front of the camera, or behind it… I want them as well to know, that a woman can make it herself if she needs to so they will grow confident and independent themselves.

I appreciate all the good words from my friends. I can feel strength in me.
Enjoying experimenting with photography again I’m happy to see I sometimes manage to catch this mystery on the picture, this one moment when a person in front of the camera exposed their real self, I think this is what makes a good picture.

Us, woman from religious, strange country, we’re not used to be natural and confident so we need more courage and time to decide for a photo shot of ourselves. It’s a huge waste if we never decide and our beauty will pass away without being caught in a moment. And it’s something very big and meaningful if we will make it. And it’s amazing to stand behind the camera and take a part in someone’s big, meaningful event. It’s wonderful to make things possible for us, women from strange, religious country.

PS I’m a married woman but I have this feeling I’ve only got a lover, who’s my daughters daddy. And I’m not going to go on like this here as there are thousands of blogs of women who feel fuckin’ the same.


The heat is on, summer came early this year. Walking along the seafront in the sunlight, with my girls and my friend. Amazing how some people can bright up your life even for a day, sharing they inspiring positive energy. Charging the batteries from the light and intelligent conversation. Admiring the beauty of the children and the soul mate by your side. Feels like being alive. After another lovely day fruitful night. Back at home with heat still burning in my head the big canvas finally finds its topic. The souvenir from that day arises in short time, spontaneous and relaxing work. Candle light, jazz and chill out and incense stick smoke. The peace of mind and my lover comes back home. The ready painting, satisfaction and wine, well deserved oriental food shared. The spices and the heat. The fulfillment. I’m in the right place in the right time.



For the first time after 3 long years I’ve joined Tuesday’s life drawing session at the Sussex County Arts Club. It has been as used to be always before, very inspiring, relaxing and enriching for my mind and soul :) Thanks to Bill who leads the session and those who took a part for a warm welcome back!



Bringing old wood back to life again. Using handmade structural paint to create 3D effects on time damaged wooden boards. Colours, flowers, butterflies. At the end all airbrushed to add some gold dust on it. The paintings are exposed and available to buy in Kiki and Cole’s Cafe in Hurstpierpoint, UK.



OK, I’m an artistic person, not too sure if an artist already, the part of me definitely is, in 100%… But, another part, as big and demanding, is a figure skater whether my body and my skills allow it or not. I’ve been flying.



So the others do have it as well, I’ve to admit, I’m the most creative when depressed. Recently happy couldn’t paint anything valuable. And yeah, remember: spontaneousness is the key.



I’m happy to be here again. Finally I can feel I’m in the right place to grow my children and to develop myself as an artist. After years of searching for ‘home’ it’s good to know you don’t have to move anymore. Traveling will stay my passion but it’s time to settle down. I thought I’ll have to start all over again but it’s so much easier when friends are around. I’m already at the place I was 3 years ago, now it’s time only for further progress. I can feel positive energy within myself.